moto q

So I've been spending alot of time with my ex, not really knowing what we're doing but I enjoy being with her. This is jsut a really stressful week with school. I have to do like 30 classroom observation hours to pass 2 classes. I've been calling schools left and right to set up times but they are not getting back to me. I love music...no blogs for a while

I dont know what you put into my glass

I knew it was to good to be true, it finally happened. Just had the breakdown of life. I haven't cried like that in years. I fuckin thought I was but i guess not. this shit is all hitting me at once, I'm fucking alone and i hate it. I don't know if i miss her or the company of a woman. I don't really give a shit all i know is i need something in my life to change. I'm tired of feeling this way, I'm not a crying pussy all the time. Excuse the language I'm just broken right now. I fuckin miss her to death, all i wanna do is call her or drive to her house. But I'm not. I know we're not right for eachother, but we were together for 2 fuckin years. And now nothing, absolutely nothing. Fuck me. I'm so fuckin broken and tired and angry adn hopeless and hurt. People all say talk to your friends and keep yourself busy and shit. My friends care but they dont care and i have to deal with this on my own. Life is shitty right now and I feel like running away. Emotional pain feels like its never gonna end, I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. off to get wasted, bye! SILY

Your turn...I know you can do it

Had a good poker day, played a little and was able to cash out another $50. If I play one more tonight I'll be good to do $100, don;t know if i really feel like playing anymore tonight though. haunted house is looking real good and we picked up pumpkins today. I finally got my Minus the Bear from Jon, it has bonus tracks that are amazing. I also finished up my project for school. i have a presentation on the 10 rules of reading, it is relentlessly boring so I will not go into details about that. All in all it was a good day. I'm playing golf tomorrow morning(8:00) with the guys then off to class. Surprisingly I'm in kind of a shitty mood, feeling kind of depressed all day. It's kinda weird, I mean I have good days and bad days.For the most part I don't think about her but today it was like all I thought about. I'm just pissed at myself, I thought i was past all that. I haven't called her or anything so hopefully by tomorrow this general malaise will pass. For the most part though things are good. I'm jsut going through the motions and counting the days...SILY

Thanks for the killer game of Crisco Twister

So in poker news I worked my account to $400 and cashed out 60. I'm probably gonna do that all week to have some money. I've been pretty sick these last few days. Horror nights was a bad idea. I have a project due for monday that I will be working on all day tomorrow, fun fun fun. Not really much else has been going on. Still haven' t talked to teh ex since the break up and plan on keeping it that way. May see Saw 4 today not really sure, but thats about it for now, SILY.

the distance between our bodies is a problem that we can fix

So I have the craziest story from last night. I'm down to my last $20. Not from losing all the time, well couple losing with cashing out and I was left with that. I figured what the hell, I was playing on fulltilt and joined a $20 45 person tourney. I was taking it kind of seriously but at the same time was excepting defeat and didnt really care if I busted. Well, i ended coming in 1st to cash $350! So I'm right back to where I started. I'm thinking I'd just go back to the 20's and be steady adn cashout everyday to make some money. This is like my second chance, I'd better not mess this up!

There's van with its lights on

Last night me and Rick decided that we are going to change our lives around. I'm looking to be more efficient in the things I do overall. I've been catching up on alot of schoolwork, instead of waiting till the last second i wanna feel like i'm on top of things. So far so good, I completed some homework and I think I might call UCF about a peer advising position. Its gonna be baby steps but overall i know things will be better. Also starting to do all these things will keep my mind busy in light of the break up, I really do good with not thinking about it to much but when i have downtime or i at night I dwell on it. I'd rather not like to keep doing that so I'm thinking this is a good step in the right direction. Plus I cannot wait till Nov. when we start playing shows again, I'm going crazy here not playing! I have an advisor meeting and i'm mad nervous. I was projecting like Spring '09 to graduate but after looking over my transcript i really dont know. It sucks cuz this is the most focused on school I've ever been and i'm getting the best grades I ever have. I'm at the point where i want to know the stuff for my career and excell at it and jsut graduate and start teaching. But in years past I did not take school as seriously and now it is catching up with me. You lie in the bed you make I guess. It's ok though, overall life is good. i was actually jsut thinking of luvky and fortunate I am to live a nice home, have parents who love me, be in school, have my own car, be decent looking i think, lol. Generally I dont have much to complain about, I jsut lose sight of things and get stressed out sometimes. Things are definetly looking up though, I'm gonna make my own happiness. SILY

There's a crack in the crystal glass

It's friday afternoon, I'm just waking up from a late night with the roommates. We played drinking games on the porch all night and laughed and told stories. We pretty much do that all the time...just not till 4 am. So I cashed out 50 more, I dont really know why, puts me at $187 so I'm jsut gonna mess around with some multi's and see what happens. I jsut gotta say, relationships, generally speaking are hard. Friendships, intimate relationships, business relationships, they are by nature easy to ruin and take some thinking to maintain. Am I being unrealistic? if so please tell me. SILY

We are the Romans

No poker today in leu(?) of the cashing out process. Didn't really do much today, no class or work for once, oh right I did clean my room. Gonna carball it up in a little bit, thats right carball. I would explain but what'd be the point. I'm currently listening to Botch cuz they are amazing and Dave Knudson was the guitarist who is now the current guitarist for Minus the Bear(best band ever). I have my early class so I'm not trying to make it a late night but we'll see. ANDY IS GAY. 7BS! SILY

Donest

I cashed out of vegaspoker247.com Lost $200 in two days, no bueno. I'm gonna move over to fulltilt for a while and see how that goes. She texted me today and I told her in a nonrude way that I'm glad she wants to be friends and all but there is only one ex-girlfriend i will keep in contact with...

didnt play much today, at $555, still workin to7 but may have to cash out some...we'll see. G'night

Everytime i die is good

cashed out another 150 and back up to 530, gonna try to hit 7 then start playing 50's. I've erased her from my life because i feel that is what you have to do when you break up, right?? Shes still in my mind though...

progress

dont remeber what i ended at but got up to $500 yesterday and cashed out$100. gonna try to make beteween 50-100 each day and cash out for some pocket money then work on building again.

new beginnings

So me and my girlfriend broke up after 2 yrs. I absolutely know it was the right decision but break ups are never easy. We were just to different. As cliche as it sounds we just had nothing in common, our ages played against us, and after 2yrs. I know that we were not in love. It's still very fresh as it was only 2 days ago this happened. I know I will get through it successfully. I am lucky enough to have friends who care about me and a very loving family. With that said, down to poker. I am going to try to keep a daily blog of my poker progress. I am currently playing on vegaspoker247.com Players seem to be pretty soft at teh 20's hu but each game is its own entity
so who knows. Starting Roll:$354 Ending Roll:$423.50 Daily Profit:69.50